I will ALWAYS be a HUGE advocate for Healthy Relationships. Period. Want to know “WHY”/want the “Deets”? Head over to Amazon and grab my book.
Moreover…Relationship & Communication Tip. And if it’s not for you, well…I guess it just isn’t for you. And that’s perfectly ok.
So I’m going to say what’s been on my heart—and this is particularly for the married folks. After being married for almost 20 years, I never assume that my husband is happy—and likewise, he never assumes that I am happy. Firstly, people change, grow, evolve, etc.; therefore, to make an assumption about their level of happiness (in any area of life) just isn’t wise. And let me clarify before some of you start doing just what I advised you not to do (meaning, making assumptions and/or misconstruing things): this is a post directed to whomever could use these tips. That simple.
Case in point: TALK to your spouse. Ask real questions. Check on their mental health. Ask them if they’re happy with life, with the relationship, with their friendships, with their health, job, etc. Granted, “happy” doesn’t mean perfect—but it does mean contentment, enjoyment, and a will to keep going.
Too many times people are shocked when couples split, friendships end, etc., and you often hear things like, “Man…they were together forever—or they made a great couple—or they were friends since childhood.” When in reality, they barley knew one another as they lacked true intimacy (and I’m not talking about sex).
Moral of the story is…I’m in no way telling anyone how to run their household/relationships—but as someone who deems communication as a VERY essential key to healthy relationships, you can’t have a great relationship with toxic, poor, pretentious communication.
So…say the “hard” things; have healthy conflict; share how you’re really feeling. Invest in your relationships. And…please get rid of that whole toxic narrative that men don’t talk, can’t talk, and won’t talk. Granted, it might be a journey as they are chemically and biologically built different. However, in your relationship, you can LEARN and DEVELOP a healthy communication style that works for you both. And guess what? You can be genuinely happy/truly like your spouse.
Lastly, build a strong foundation and be locked in like Fort Knox. Healthy Relationships don’t “just happen.” It takes intentionality and authenticity. When God created families and relationships, it was never meant to be dysfunctional and unstable. To that end, let’s normalize looking good via having the “real” conversations…and not just via pictures and personas.
And when I say it’s worth it…I do mean it’s worth it. I have so much more that I would like to help with in this area…but I know folks have short attention spans, so that’s it for now.
P.S. I miss doing our marriage and family events. But anywho.
Canena Adams, LLBSW, MA, SRAS
Wife | Mother | Writer | Author | Public Speaker | Social Worker | Business Owner | Nonprofit Founder & Director | Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist | Healthy Family & Relationship Advocate | Adjunct College Prof. | PhD Student