Infidelity....
I love Jada & Will. And furthermore, their life is in fact, their life. But, since I was inboxed a question on our FB Marriage & Family Page, I’m going to answer it.
No marriage is perfect. People have issues, so marriages have issues. I’m all for transparency, honesty, forgiveness, etc. However, I was specifically asked about my perspective on infidelity.
So, here’s my perspective: Infidelity is not part of my personal story, so I’m not speaking from experience; however I am speaking as a married woman of 18 years. Hence, we have issues just like everyone else. So I get that marriages/relationships have hardships.
However, I will never adopt the notion that “If you’re going to be together for a lifetime, you have to go through that type of stuff.” Since when did unfaithfulness become the standardized test for your martial journey?
Again, I totally respect their openness, transparency, and willingness to forgive and move on as not too many people can do this—and shouldn’t have to (meaning, in the case of unfaithfulness, you can clearly forgive, then walk your separate ways). Thus, kudos to them for sticking it out.
But to insinuate and normalize dysfunction as being “...the type of stuff you have to go through” is a very false narrative of marriage —and an unhealthy view of marriage in general. The overall ideal of having a “Bad marriage for life,” is troubling and why there’s so many ‘functional,’ dysfunctional homes today.
This isn’t a matter of shaming or mocking their decision to publicly share their journey. I absolutely respect ✊🏽 that as they weren’t obligated to tell the world anything.
Moreover, we must be able to both respect their decisions/willingness to work it out, while also being firm, and lovingly shedding light on the fact that unfaithfulness and “bad marriage for life,” isn’t healthy and normal.
You can still love people, empathize with them; and respect their choices while also holding true to yours as well. Pacifying poor choices in the name of “love and not judging,” is destructive and unhealthy.
My sincere prayer is that they genuinely have healed and moved on. And I would never mock or make light of their boldness and decision to share their journey with the world. Nevertheless, I will also kindly share my difference in opinions and worldview when it comes to topics that I feel strongly about and/or in this case, when specifically asked my stance on it.
I hold to the belief that Marriage and Family is the foundation of Society. I believe that “Healthy people build healthy families and healthy families build healthy communities and healthy communities build healthy nations.”
Again, for clarity, "healthy" doesn’t mean perfect. It means calling sickness, disease, and in this case dysfunction what it is. Followed by restorative direction, education, etc.
I could insert credible, reliable stats, but for the sake of simplicity, research proves that Family Dysfunction—and Broken unhealed Homes should be deemed a Public Health Crisis (worldwide).
Finally...love, forgive, heal, grow, learn, evolve, be open minded, and help others. But in your doing this, be a critical thinker—and do not allow the media and the pressures of society to force unhealthy ideals on you—all in the name of “no judgement, empathy and keeping it real.” You can fully do all of this, while also coaching, educating, and enlightening people on how to reset and authentically heal and work through hardship and poor decisions in a healthy way.
In the end, children and young people are looking to us. Hence, why someone must be lovingly willing to break the cycle of family dysfunction. It’s not popular and it doesn’t get “likes” and “shares”—but it’s real and it’s a health concern.
That simple. That's my stance.
Love y’all.
Canena Adams, LLBSW, MA, SRAS
Wife | Mother | Writer | Author | Public Speaker | Social Worker | Business Owner | Nonprofit Founder & Director | Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist | Healthy Family & Relationship Advocate | Adjunct College Prof.