The Cost of Growth: When Friends Become Foes
This morning, I woke up feeling so grateful and completely thankful. I was so appreciative of not just the “BIG” things, but also the small, simple things. A lot has happened in my life—at a very fast pace over the past several years—and I’m finally having the much-needed time to just take it all in. It’s been a GREAT, but sometimes hard road to travel. I was reflecting on how far I’ve come and completely overwhelmed by God’s favor and grace over my life. But, if I can be honest, I was also a bit troubled by the pain that came with the journey. You see, progress and what we deem as “success” does not come without a cost. And, many times, it will cost you things that you never thought you’d have to give up.
For me, it’s been more of my time (in order to achieve the things that I have been praying for), my “comfort zone”/what was familiar, and more. But for this particular discussion, I would like to chat about the cost of growth/“When Friends become Foes.” And if you’re wondering what a “Foe” is, I will kindly explain: a foe is essentially an enemy, an adversary, and someone who does not have your best interest in mind.
And if you’re wondering how on earth does a “friend” become a “foe,” you would be surprised by what can transpire, causing a great split between those you once called “friend.” Think about David and Saul. At one point, Saul completely admired David—so much so, that he practically took him under his wings and gave him access and a “VIP” seat to his kingdom. Saul was so taken by David’s abilities and skills, that he appointed him as his personal armor bearer. However, when David began to gain more traction, attention, and “praise”—Saul become jealous, envious, and set in his heart to take David out.
Can you imagine serving and working closely with someone, expecting them to celebrate your “greatness,” yet the opposite started to happen? Can you imagine allowing someone to be “close up” on you—only to find out that they were plotting, scheming, and ultimately seeking to destroy you—all in the name of jealousy, insecurities, and plain-out evilness in their heart.
As someone who is fully committed to whatever I set my mind out to do, including my relationships and friendships, I can confidently, yet humbly say that I am a “real one.” When I rock with you, I really rock with you. But, we’re all human, and when someone “comes for you,” that human side kicks in (no matter who you are).
So why am I sharing this story and what’s the point of this discussion? Well, I am glad you asked! Like many of you, I have experienced this level of betrayal on multiple levels. I have given my all to help, encourage, push, mentor, inspire, motivate, connect people with the “right” people and more—only to find out that I was dealing with individuals with “Saul-like” motives, intentions, and impure hearts.
At first, I wanted to lay aside my “Christianity” and handle things “my way”—but thanks be to God, as he’s kept me from losing my religion multiple times (Ha!) Let’s be real…yes, I too have moments where I feel as though God is either taking too long—or not handling the situation fast enough! Ha! But ONE thing I have learned is this: God will handle your “foes” …but because of the call on your life, you cannot afford to respond, behave, or even expose things the way you’d really like to. After 41 plus years of life, I have never seen God fail me. Granted, sometimes it felt like he was taking too long—or sometimes I wanted to tell folks about themselves in a very “ungodly”/non-Christian manner—but each time, God said, “I got this”! And when I say that he’s never lost a battle…I do mean he’s NEVER lost a battle.
Thus, my encouragement to you is this: process your true feelings. Feel the burn. Feel the betrayal. Feel the blatant disrespect. Feel the lies. Feel the envy. Feel the jealousy. Feel the stabs in the back. Feel the sneaky, manipulative behaviors. But, learn from it—and do like David did, and move wisely, knowing that God is up to something really BIG in your LIFE! Yes, it will test you on EVERY level! And you might come close to going completely OFF! Ha! But, take my advice…what’s coming can’t even be compared to what you feel like you lost! God’s got your back—and he’s a master at shutting the mouth of the devil. In fact…whenever I felt tested the MOST was always when God was about to bless me like CRAZY!!!!!!!
Oh...and, God will send "the right" people to you! David had Jonathan! It's not about how many...it's about what kind! You will find your TRIBE!
Stay focused! The BEST is yet to come!!
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Canena Adams, LLBSW, MA, SRAS
Wife | Mother | Writer | Author | Public Speaker | Social Worker | Business Owner | Nonprofit Founder & Director | Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist | Healthy Family & Relationship Advocate | Adjunct College Prof. | PhD Student