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Knowing Which Relationships to Bury and Which to Build
Some relationships need to be buried—permanently. No resurrections, no revisits, no trying to breathe life into something God has already called dead. When He tells you to let go, trust Him and move forward.
But then, there are those God-sent connections that require authenticity, humility, and real work. Some so-called “beefs” aren’t even beefs—they’re just hurt feelings, lack of honest communication, and deeper heart issues that need to be dealt with. But if you’re truly who you say you are—mature, growing, and walking in faith—you’d be willing to put in the work and fight for the relationships that matter.
Let go of what’s toxic, but don’t let pride, fear, or assumptions make you bury what was meant to bless you. Some relationships need to be laid to rest. Others need to be rebuilt. So how do you know the difference? Here are a few faith-based ways to discern:
1. Pray for Clarity – Ask God to reveal whether this relationship is one He wants you to fight for or one He’s removing for your protection. James 1:5 says if we ask for wisdom, He will give it.
2. Check the Fruit – Does this relationship bring peace, growth, and accountability (Galatians 5:22-23)? Or does it bring constant drama, confusion, and destruction? God does not call us to remain in chaos.
3. Examine Your Heart – Is the issue pride, miscommunication, or past wounds? Or is it truly a sign that the relationship has run its course? Be honest about your role in the conflict.
4. Seek Wise Counsel – Proverbs reminds us that there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 11:14). Sometimes, a trusted mentor or spiritual leader can help you see what you might be missing.
5. Look for Reconciliation vs. Resistance – If the other person is willing to work through it with honesty, humility, and respect, the relationship might be worth fighting for. But if there’s constant resistance, manipulation, or unrepentant behavior, it may be time to walk away.
6. Pay Attention to God’s Peace – If walking away brings peace, it’s likely God’s confirmation. If restoration brings peace, then it’s worth rebuilding. God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33).
At the end of the day, discern wisely. Some relationships are meant to stretch you and strengthen you. Others are meant to teach you and then release you. Know the difference.
Canena Adams, MA, BSW, SRAS
Communications Professional & Leadership Coach
Wife | Mother | Writer | Author | Public Speaker | Social Worker | Business Owner | Nonprofit Founder & Director | Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist | Healthy Family & Relationship Advocate | Blogger | Podcaster | Adjunct College Prof. | PhD Student | And more...
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